Men are from Mars….
DH returned yesterday. While I never envisioned him holding his arms open and me rushing into them for solace [ I would probably trip and fall flat on my face]; I expected him to a little more concerned. Concerned he was, extremely but for all the wrong things. He had apparently discovered the wonder that was WebMd these past few days and then had gone all out not to find out a solution to my issues but to find a cause for it. I have mentioned earlier that DH is not a man of crisis. He is not the one who will remain stoic and unperturbed when hings are falling apart. He freaks out easily and starts analyzing how things went wrong instead of what he can do to correct things. If any of the kids fall he will start researching how they fell down and who is to blame even before he picks them off the ground. It is just who he is. I on the other hand never seem to analyze whys at all, I am always fine you fell lets see what we can do to make it better. Is one path better than the other I am not sure. My guess is both are extremes. Thinking about the whys will probably help the kid not fall the same way again but sometimes all a kid needs is a quick kiss on the boo boo.
With this possibility of cancer is looming over me it feels ridiculous to me if he spouts stuff about me trying to lose weight or eat more Vitamin D. This coupled with how fragile I was feeling and how freaked out he was made us fight all day. Fight over stupid stuff like a light left on or Listerine spilled by one of the kids in the sink. He probably is wishing this is all a bad dream and he wakes up soon enough. I get it I wish the same but it is what it is and freaking out won’t help. I rather him tell me how this sucks and how angry he is over this happening to me but that’s not how he rolls.
Meanwhile after speaking to C, my colleague the other day she told me to speak to J another co worked or mine. She had a similar scare a few years earlier and while she needed surgery it turned out to be benign. I spoke to J at length yesterday and like C she is a good listener and me-whisperer. She calmed me down while also telling me its ok to have a meltdown. She spoke to me at length about the procedures involved and even recommended her doctor at Robertwood Johnson [RWJ]. I told her I willbe doing the biopsy with the Dr.S, the doctor I met Thursday and then decide on my future course. I do agree that RWJ would probably a better choice for surgery that Somerset Medical mainly due to its size and facilities and how reputed it was but that’s a bridge I plan to cross when I get to it. J gave me a big thing hope. Hope that this may still turn out to be nothing. Hope that nobody knows for sure what it is till they do the biopsy. That I can still hold off on completely giving up till I get the biopsy results. I am not a patient person by nature. The wait till Monday is not gonna be pleasant.
