Biopsy day…

Life here in USA is so dissimilar to life in India. Today is the day of my biopsy. Had it been back home not only DH, my parents, my in-laws and probably my aunt and uncle would have accompanied me to the doctors office and crowded his waiting room. Here its just DH and me and because it is President’s Day and my elder kid [N1] at home its just me. DH really wants to come but I have to leave at 8:15 leave my younger kid [N2] at daycare and then go for my biopsy to reach there on time at 9:00am. There is no way to plan a play date so early. Granted my neighbor would probably have kept him but I rather take that favor when I rally need it and I have a feeling i may need it soon. DH then plans to drop me off and then pick me up, Problem is N1 will be with them and the last thing I want is for N1 to drop me off at a building which prominently says “Steeplechase Cancer Center”.  N1 is a super observant 9 year old and would not miss literally the writing on the wall. Besides the doctor had told me I could drive to the appointment.

I make it to the appointment on time. Dr. S has a suite at the Steeplechase Cancer Center. Fairly medical looking room on the third floor. I am quickly signed in and the nurse calls me in fairly quickly. She takes me to a small cell like room and I change into a paper robe. I wish they make these robes in satin. Would feel so nice and luxurious while waiting for the doctor. Dr.S comes in pretty quickly and starts the procedure. I am seated in a beach chair like contraption except it is cushiony and sterile looking.  Then he uses a ultrasound apparatus hooked to a laptop to measure and locate my tumor. I see him measuring what seems like a big black cloud in my breast. ICloud is what comes to my mind, my own personal cloud withing me. I share a snicker with myself. I need to stop drinking the Apple Koolaid.

He measures the big one to 5cm. Now that is about 2inches but right then I imagined it to be a huge lump the size of an apple. I really need to brush up on my metrics a bit. Then he applies a generous coat of beta-dine on my left breast and numbs it up. Betadine takes me back to my school days. For the nuns of my school the scarlet liquid of betadine was a cure all for all bumps, bruises and scratches all us girls used to sustain in the school yard. For us it was a badge of honor to be injured enough to warrant betadine. Kind of like how my kids love to put bandaids on all scratches, some real some imaginary.

The pinch of the needle delivering the Novocaine brings me back to reality. The biopsy is about to start. HE is doing what is called a core biopsy. From what I had researched over the weekend I had expected a more sophisticated setup. The biopsy he was doing was essentially stabbing me with a hollow needle and extracting tissue from the tumor. I figured he had done this before and knew what he was doing. He did appear uncertain over the apparatus he was using. Asked the nurse multiple times about its functioning. The needle emits aloud click every time it extracts tissue. Dr. S asked me if I had any questions. Nothing came to mind considering i had a stranger squeezing my chest with one hand and stabbing me with a needle with the other. In middle of this suddenly I had a burning pain. I guess the numbing was not enough and he had to remove the needle, inject some more painkiller and then make a new incision. The whole process took about 15 minutes and I was out of there in less than 30 minutes.

Dr. S informed me the results would take a week to come in. More waiting, Great.

I was sor the whole day. Applied ice and gulped Advil as advised by the doctor. Have not told my parents yet. Why worry them till I am sure of stuff. Will wait till the results come and speak to them about it! This is easier said than done because I speak to them twice a day everyday and have never kept much from them over all these years.

 

 

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I am glad it is me…

I have to say, I am thankful that it is me going through this. I would not want ANYONE else in my family to have to deal with something like this. I know I have the inner strength to deal with this while still keeping a semblance of normalcy with the kids.  Its this kids I worry about. How their life is going to change whatever the results of the biopsy. If I have cancer that’s a long fight. At the minimum there is surgery to be done. My kids depend on me for a lot of things. Both still like to snuggle with me on weekends. Both still like to sit outside my bathroom when I try to pee in peace. Both still need me to referee their umpteen tiffs. Both still need me to reassure them that they are still my favorites and that I will swoop in an correct anything that is wrong in their worlds.

The thought of them losing this makes me shudder. The thought of me losing that coveted supermom place makes me panic. Of all the thoughts that torment me about my current predicament the thought of not seeing them grow up is the foremost. Granted I do not have a diagnosis and maybe it may turn out to be nothing. Granted that even if turns out to be something medicine has come a long way in treatment of Breast Cancer. But now this minute that factoid does not bring me any relief.

Cancer or not one thing I know for sure, for the whole process here on keeping the kids life as normal as I can will be my foremost concern.

 

 

 

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