The Family Trap
While the thought of maybe having cancer is scary for me telling my parents I am not well is infinitely scarier. I very rarely fall sick. Like not even a cold; so admitting something maybe wrong health wise will come completely out of the blue for them. As it is I feel like I am letting my whole family down, and that just breaks my heart even more. I feel like I am letting DH down. He is so completely overwhelmed and freaked now, I can’t even imagine what he is dealing with. He is not much of a talker and plans to deal with all of this on his own. He also has to keep up with things at work. The thought of wanting to take care of your husband and children and not being able to is very frightening. I know DH will probably do an amazing job , because he is an amazing dad, and husband, I just don’t want him to have to deal with the stress. I wish I could take the stress away from him so he can just focus on work. I know he is feeling like he is getting pulled in ten different directions, yet, he is still standing strong! He really amazes me!
Now that surgery is definitely in the horizon irrespective of the type of lump I have I will have to tell my parents. I do not want for something to go wrong during surgery and my husband to have to call them. Paranoid much! I am very unhappy at the prospect of throwing my parent’s life into complete upheaval. It has been difficult to keep all of this a secret from them. I am an only child and am super close to my parents. Even after 12 years of being away from them I still speak to them at least twice a day. They know everything going on in my life. My dad is my strongest support, my sounding board and my venting pillow. My mom is my biggest critic and my staunchest admirer. To make them join my uncertain health journey is not something I am happy doing.
Also my family is not just my parents. I have three uncles and aunts who are equally involved in my life and who also have to be told the same time as my parents. Three sets of people who are gonna be equally concerned and worried. I have my mom’s aunt who I am super close to. She probably is going to freak out way more than even my mom. But this is not something I cannot put off further.
I have given it some thought. Going back and forth about waiting till I get reports and know for certain, not telling them at all and every scenario in between. But I also realize that if my child were ill I would want to know immediately. They deserve that knowledge even though it will unsettle them.
